In the news: Cardinal Sean wings Cheney!

My Dad gave me this one: In a remark that I am sure had absolutely no political import, Boston's newly-elevated Cardinal Sean Patrick O'Malley cracked wise about his new red robes. Here's how AP's Daniela Petroff described it:

For Boston Archbishop Sean O'Malley, whose usual attire is the simple brown robe and sandals of his Capuchin Franciscan order, the ornate red of his new cardinal outfit seems slightly out of place. But he joked this week it might come in handy outside the church, too.

"I could always wear it if I was called on a hunting expedition with the vice president," he said, referring to Vice President Dick Cheney's now-infamous hunting accident. "It's very red."

The only question is whether this will be considered funny by the notoriously snaggle-pussed Cheney.
__________________________________
photo from The Archdiocese of Boston website: http://rcab.org/

My favorite Stations

The way to Calvary was hot, dirty, loud and bloody. Very few images of that cruel trip do a good job depicting it.

None but one, which has become my favorite. Painted by an unknown artist, they depict the wretched fatigue and pain that accompanied Jesus to his execution.



To see the entire set, visit http://members.aol.com/jocatholic/st1to6.htm.

Meanwhile, ponder these lyrics by Hall Johnson from negrospirituals.com:

I think I heard Him say, when He was struggling up the hill
I think I heard Him say, take my mother home
Then I'll die easy, take my mother home
I'll die so easy, take my mother home

Sunday Reflection: Zeal and routine

We leave Mark behind this Sunday (March 19) and flip over to John (2:13-25), who (appropriately) shows Jesus flipping out:

...Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves,
as well as the money changers seated there.
He made a whip out of cords
and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen,
and spilled the coins of the money changers
and overturned their tables..."

Go get 'em, Gentle Jesus!!

It's fun to hear ourselves try to make sense of the weird situation we find Jesus at the center of:
Explo 1: Ah! Such righteous anger against hypocrites!! Righteous anger has its place!!
Explo 2: Those crazy Jews! Always with the gelt!
Explo 3: Jesus is stickin' it the man!

Always its the other guy. But in making a mess in the temple precincts, Jesus is (yet again) confounding us and sticking our own nose in the mirror. The Jewish sacrificial system was gi-normous -- thousands of animals had to be raised, fed, controlled and transported to the Temple for the sacrifices prescribed by God. A priesthood had to be trained and disciplined to manage the animals and the people who would sacrifice them. Fires had to be kept burning and scarce wood continually cut, stacked and hauled. The ashes had to be disposed of. Blood and carcasses had to be carted away. Thousands of pilgrims had to be fed, housed and herded. It was like the World's Fair or Disney -- each day, every day, with the payoff being not a ride on Magic Mountain, but a few seconds on the Lord's mountain, Zion.

Faced with such a situation, what would any people do? Organize!!

Naturally, systems would evolve to keep everything tight and tidy, with a minimum of disruption and unpredictability. Nice; tight; scheduled; impressive. Orderly lines. The ritual actions repeated endlessly until they are done without variation. Without thought.

And where is prayer in this? Where does the unruly Spirit of God fit into the tidy timetable of Man? Where does even the most scrupulously honest of systems leave room for the untidy and unpredictable?

I think this is what Jesus objected to. Not Jewish piety as such, but a piety that becomes rote and meaningless and fails to address the Deity. It's "phoning it in" or sending a form letter rather than popping in for a visit.

Beware any piety that is more about going through the motions that dialog with the Deity. Beware the priest who times his homily to make sure the parking lot is clear for the next Mass. Beware the men and women (and kids) who come to church to endure Mass so their parents/spouse/neighbor will get off their backs. Beware the choir so in love with itself that there is no room for God or the assembly in their music.

Jesus is a-comin', and he's in a snappin’ mood!
________________________________________________________
Let us pray.

Lord, you love God with the desperate love of a child for its parent. Help us to see how we fail to engage you and each other when we gather in your Name. Help us to a new life in the spirit that raises us out of petty routines and even makes our lives difficult and unpleasant. Never stop loving us enough to keep pushing us out of our circle of efficiency.

We ask this in your name.

Amen.
________________________________________________________

Illustration from http://www.theworldowesyoualiving.org, whose purpose (as far as can be determined) cannot be discerned by the average person.

The Da Vinci Load: USCB anti-Brown Website -- It's Good!!

I haven't read every page, but the USCCB's new website -- www.jesusdecoded.com -- which goes after Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code is terrific! Just the right tone -- bemused annoyance. Just the right mix of lay and clerical voices. Even a good looking young lad-priest from Opus Dei! The web site discusses a TV special to be aired on NBC around May 20. There are sections discussing Brown's howlers on Leonardo as a person, Brown's complete misreading of the meaning of his art, and the utter disregard for historical study and the Catholic Church's true stance on Mary Magdalene. Then, the site blasts Brown for ignoring 20 centuries of Christian devotion to the real "sacred feminine" -- the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Terrific job, your Eminences. Keep up the good work!!
________________________________________________________
Photograph by Jim Davis at http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/superbowl/wallpaper.htm showing Adam Vinatieri celebrating his 48-yard, game-winning field goal during Super Bowl XXXVI to defeat the heathen Rams 20-17.

Sunday Reflection: Blaze of Glory

The gospel for March 12, (Mk 9:2-10) relates the Transfiguration story, a truly weird tale in which the disciples momentarily experience Jesus in his Divinity. It's kind of a theatrical smoke and laser beam moment which scared the crud out of the disciples. Mark the Evangelist, so much in touch with the raw emotions of his characters, has the disciples frozen in terror – all except for Peter. Evidently a man who deals with stress by babbling, Peter expresses an incoherent desire to memorialize the moment, even in the midst of experiencing it. If he had a camera, you just know he would be fiddling with apertures and shutter speeds, trying to line up the best shot. A funny and very human moment from Mark.

But as I listened to the tale, I was struck by another aspect:

As they were coming down from the mountain,
he charged them not to relate what they had seen to anyone,
except when the Son of Man had risen from the dead.
So they kept the matter to themselves,
questioning what rising from the dead meant.

We, living 2000 years after the fact, and having the benefit of two millennia of reflection, know what "rising from the dead" means. It's hard to understand why the disciples were confused. Perhaps Jesus was actually a bit more cryptic about what he said. Maybe he said only, "...except when the Son of Man was been raised". No less true, no less applicable, but so much more cryptic. And a good explanation for why the disciples were confused. They were hardly idiots, after all. Not educated by our standards, perhaps. But you don't make a living from the sea with a head full of hay.

Perhaps, though, the disciples could not reconcile the obvious power and majesty they had just experienced with something so mundane as suffering and death. Certainly, they must have thought that things were looking up for Christ and for themselves. The show on the mountain must have been an early installment of greater glory just around the corner.

Either way, they were thinking too hard, trying to find a metaphorical or symbolic meaning in a statement of plain fact.

Jesus, in touch with the Divine power of God, would nonetheless die. The disciples couldn't combine those seemingly unconnected categories. Not until they had seen it with their own eyes on Easter morning would any of it begin to make sense.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we?
________________________________________________
Let us pray.

Lord, you speak to us plainly, yet we seek to complicate your words. Cross and glory are united in your understanding, but don't really make sense in ours. May we seek to understand your plain meaning: that the way to glory is through the grave; the way to light is through the valley of darkness and death; the way to your life is through the denial of our own; the way to your union with you is through opposition to the standards of this world -- fleeting fame, comfort, pleasure, power and beauty.

In your name we pray,

Amen.
________________________________________________
Illustration from http://www.kublai.com/ depicting the results of an experiment to determine the amount of electricity required to ignite a Twinkie dessert cake. Answer: 1800 volts.

The Da Vinci Load: USCCB site takes aim (kind of) at TDVC!

It was with not a little excitement that I ran across a news item yesterday that the US Confrence of Catholic bishops (USCCB) had launched a site dedicated to opposing the tenets of the Da Vinci Code, my personal bête noir.

But where is the site? The conference's own site hid it well. After searching Yahoo News and CNN without luck, I did a web search and found this item from Catholic News Agency (www.catholicnewsagency.com):

USCCB Web site proves Da Vinci Code is ‘museum of errors’

Washington DC, Mar. 13, 2006 (CNA) - The Da Vinci Code is “a museum of errors,” says Elizabeth Lev. The art history professor at Duquesne University’s Italian campus is only one of several experts who have contributed to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ new Web site, Jesus Decoded. The Web site is an attempt to provide a solid Catholic response to the false statements made about the Church in Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, soon to be released in theatres as a feature-length film.

The Web site includes contributions from historians, an Opus Dei priest, Bishop Gerald Kicanas, the U.S. bishops’ communications office and other experts. Its purpose is to communicate the truth about the Church and the Catholic faith in light of the film’s upcoming May 19 release.

“Along with trashing Christianity, Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code is a veritable museum of errors where Renaissance art is concerned,” writes Lev.

Lev’s informative essay focuses on the artist at the centre of Brown’s story, Leonardo Da Vinci, and his renowned work, The Last Supper. She methodically debunks each claim Brown makes about the Renaissance artist’s work and life with historical evidence.

And so on. Hooray!!! 'Bout time!

And so nobody can say they didn't know where the site can be found, here's the URL: http://www.jesusdecoded.com.

The Cranky Catholic will post a review of the site soon. But don't wait for us -- have a look-see yourselves! Meanwhile, your Eminences, will you please get a clue about how to promote your own work?

Al Hail the great Welsh Saint!

Not being of Hibernian extraction, I have been known to boycott St. Patrick's Day in the past. Why wear green on his day, when nobody wears my colors on mine?

But I have mellowed a bit with age. Today, I'm even wearing a pale green sweater vest. Why? Well, there are enough reasons to divide Catholics. No need to add another. And, well, I like Saint Patrick -- the real one -- not the be-mitered fictional version of holy card fame.

Slate.com ran a bio of St. P a few years ago that's well worth the look. Here are the basics:

* Born in Britain, probably in Wales, around 385 A.D.
* Captured by pirates at 16, and sold into slavery in Ireland.
* Escaped six years later, studied for the priesthood in France, then returned to Ireland.

According to Slate,

He spent his last 30 years there, baptizing pagans, ordaining priests, and founding churches and monasteries. His persuasive powers must have been astounding: Ireland fully converted to Christianity within 200 years and was the only country in Europe to Christianize peacefully. Patrick's Christian conversion ended slavery, human sacrifice, and most intertribal warfare in Ireland. (He did not banish the snakes: Ireland never had any. Scholars now consider snakes a metaphor for the serpent of paganism. Nor did he invent the Shamrock Trinity. That was an 18th-century fabrication.)

So, lift a glass to the real Patrick. A warrior for Christ who brought peace, dignty and education to the ungodly. A better man of God you couldn't be wantin', doncha know!

______________________________________________________
Illustration by Charlie Powell for Slate.com

Beavers, capibara and whales. Oh my!!

The Church has been around for a very, very long time in many, many places. Chances are that it would have accumulated a few crackpot ideas. One is that the beaver is actually a fish.

But why would the question even come up? Answer: the Lenten Fast.

Over the years, the fast, or self-denial of food, hass taken many forms. Says the Catholic Encyclopedia (www.newadvent.org

):"In some places eggs, milk, butter, cheese and fish are prohibited, while bread, cake, fruit, herbs and vegetables are allowed. In other places, milk, eggs, cheese, butter and fish are permitted, owing either to custom or to Indult."

Unfortunatly, in many places the fast became a rather legalistic game in which people tried to parse out just exactly how much they could eat and still observe the fast. By people, of course, I mean laity and clergy, since both seemed in thrall to the game.

In places where fish was legit, the game went thus: let us redefine what the Church considers a fish! In pre-scientific times, this meant, not surprisingly, that whales and dolphins, though mammals, could be considered fish, and therefore eaten. WHich explains, perhaps, my childhood love of "The Adventures of Flipper."

But what about other animals that -- though they seemed related to definite non-fish species, nevertheless lived in the water? How about (he asked) the beaver? According to an unconfirmed story, "in 1760, the College of Physicians and Faculty of Divinity in Paris cheered up hungry Catholics by allowing them to eat beaver during fast days. They said the beaver’s scaly tail classified it as a fish."

What, one might ask, does beaver tail tastes like? Chicken? Alas, no. It is said to taste like roast beef.

In the years after Columbus discovered the New World, the beaver question accompanied the Conquistadores to South America. Though South America had no beaver, it did have another animal that lived in the water and "was scaly": the capibara.



Sixteenth century missionaries in South America, hoping to keep capibara-loving natives in the Church, reported to the Pope that “there is an animal here that is scaly but also hairy, and spends time in the water but occasionally comes on land; can we classify it as a fish?” The Pope pondered this predicament and answered in the affirmative. To this day, 400 tons of capybara are eaten as fish during Lent, mostly in Venezuela.

And if your gastromome's palate has yet to be set aquiveer, consider another scrumptuous morsel:

According to www.florilegium.org,

"Since meat was forbidden during Lent, fish became a primary source of protein. Some monks (Franciscian, I think) are credited with
domesticating rabbits, but you rarely find out WHY. Well, for what it's
worth, rabbit fetuses were not considered meat. Yes boys and girls, mom
rabbit was killed near-term, and during Lent the near-born bunnies were
food. ...I'm also guessing that this is when they began breeding for color and size
differences."

So, could it be that the bizarre Christian preoccupation with defining meat as fish gave rise to the monks who discovered genetic variability, laying the groundwork for the field of genetics?

Now wouldnt that be a fish story worth telling!
______________________________________
Beaver illustration from Trees for Life: Restoring the Caledonian Forest, http://www.treesforlife.org.uk/newsletter/spring03.html

Capibara photo from The Zootrotters, http://photo.zootrotters.nl/displayimage.php?album=49&pos=4

Sunday Reflection: Temptation Wise

The gospel reading for March 5 (Mark 1:12-15) is so short that I will enclose the whole thing:

The Spirit drove Jesus out into the desert, and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among wild beasts,and the angels ministered to him.

After John had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God:
“This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.”

I was struck by the action between the three characters in the first sentence: the Spirit, Jesus and Satan. Jesus is practically still dripping from his baptism in the Jordan when the Spirit of God throws him into a mano-a-mano with Satan. This is no cute celebrity death match, as shown on South Park, but a sign of what Jesus’ mission was at its core: a battle between opposing forces of spirit -- between Good and Evil.

I do agree with one reappearing theme of the recent Boston Catholic Men's Conference -- God and Satan are not metaphors for the good and evil we do; they are not psychological constructs that emerge from the wiring of our brains; and (good God!) they are not myths that tie us in with "the collective unconscious" or any other silly New Age babble. Even if we cannot completely get our minds around that reality, I firmly believe that they are real.

The gospel today underlines that reality by throwing Jesus into the ring immediately with his constant opponent -- the Murderer from the Beginning; the Father of Lies (John 8). Whether the "forty days" represents a literal span of 5-1/2 weeks, a symbolic recapitulation of the 40 days of wandering in the desert, or both, Jesus passes the test and emerges as at least a match for Satan. Freed now to undertake his mission, he preaches: “This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.” The “good news” (gospel), in Mark’s understanding, is linked intimately with Jesus’ triumph against Satan in the desert: The unchallenged reign of Satan has been checked. A new era is at hand. Turn away from the ways of Satan, whose enslavement (like Pharaoh’s!) of God’s people is so over!
______________________________________________________
Let us pray:

Lord, we amuse and distract ourselves with debates about the reality of Satan. During this period of Lent, let us acknowledge Satan's sway over us. Let us also recognize your mastery over him, his works, his pomps, his lies and his murderous intent. May we cling to you when our paths become dangerous and we become willing to throw our salvation to whatever or whoever will give us false assurances of safety. Help us to stand true to our life's work, and to speak with the boldness that comes from belonging to you, who have triumphed over evil.

We ask this in your name.

Amen.
______________________________________________________
Photo by DAVID ENSOR, from the Blanford Forum Camera Club, http://www.bfcc.info/Portfolios.htm

Boston Men’s Conference Part 2: Slanted politics

There is probably no real surprise as to our political leanings here at The Cranky Catholic, though we do try to keep partisanship out of these pages. One of my enduring annoyances is to have my religious beliefs pigeonholed because of my political affiliation. In my world, there are many pro-life, socially conservative Democrats, and many Republicans who don’t much like capital punishment or despoiling the environment.

So I was curious about a pamphlet I was given while waiting for the first speaker at the Men’s Boston Catholic Men’s Conference: Catholic Citizenship: A Call to Civic Responsibility.

Ooo!! I thought. This could go in so many different directions!

But, predictably, it didn’t.

The pamphlet was a veiled attack on liberals and progressives, all supposedly in the name of the Church. The pamphlet asked, “Our Catholic Values Under Attack?” I’ll list the questions, and you decide which party or social force – Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative – is being targeted:

Bothered that every 24 seconds a baby is aborted with your tax dollars?
Outraged that teachers are handing out condoms to elementary school children and perversity is being taught as “diversity”?
Disturbed that atheists are using our courts to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance and remove the Ten Commandments from public view?
Concerned that the sacred institution of marriage is being attacked and redefined?
Angered that there are American families without adequate shelter or proper health care?
Prepared for the ‘brave new world’ of human closing where human beings are created and destroyed in laboratories?
Worried that elderly, disabled and terminally ill are increasingly being deemed disposable and their lives ‘not worth living’?

Wow! What a list!!! And there’s certainly an item or two that even I could give an unqualified ‘yes’ to! But aren’t all of these items (with the exception of the health care question) aimed more to, say…the liberal side than the conservative? Does our howitzer of Catholic outrage pull naturally to the left?

I thought so. But I would have been less offended if there were a few other questions, like:

Does it tick you off that the tax burden is being lifted off the rich and onto the poor?
Does it stick in your craw when countries launch pre-emptive strikes in violation of Church teaching and papal pleas?
Is it hard to swallow that our leaders use phony science to ignore threats to our environment?
Does it get your goat when government officials use terminally ill patients for political gain?
Does it boil your bottom when some politicians -- who support capitol punishment for the retarded, support dictators and tyrants and undertake the death of thousands of innocents -- then claim the mantle of Christ as a cover for their actions?

Hey! What’s fair is fair! Church teaching, love it or hate it, ought to fall hard on people across the political spectrum.

Stop using the Church as a political tool!
_____________________________________________
Photo from http://www.swissinfo.org/sen/swissinfo.html?siteSect=111&sid=5736420&cKey=1115885433000

Beavers, capibara and whales. Oh my!

The Church has been around for a very, very long time in many, many places. Chances are that it would have accumulated a few crackpot ideas. One is that the beaver is actually a fish.

But why would the question even come up? Answer: the Lenten Fast.

Over the years, the fast, or self-denial of food, hass taken many forms. Says the Catholic Encyclopedia (www.newadvent.org

):"In some places eggs, milk, butter, cheese and fish are prohibited, while bread, cake, fruit, herbs and vegetables are allowed. In other places, milk, eggs, cheese, butter and fish are permitted, owing either to custom or to Indult."

Unfortunately, in many places the fast became a rather legalistic game in which people tried to parse out just exactly how much they could eat and still observe the fast. By people, of course, I mean laity and clergy, since both seemed in thrall to the game.

In places where fish was legit, the game went thus: let us redefine what the Church considers a fish! In pre-scientific times, this meant, not surprisingly, that whales and dolphins, though mammals, could be considered fish, and therefore eaten. Which explains, perhaps, my childhood love of "The Adventures of Flipper.

But what about other animals that -- though they seemed related to definite non-fish species, nevertheless lived in the water? How about (he asked) the beaver? According to an unconfirmed story, "in 1760, the College of Physicians and Faculty of Divinity in Paris cheered up hungry Catholics by allowing them to eat beaver during fast days. They said the beaver’s scaly tail classified it as a fish."

What, one might ask, does beaver tail tastes like? Chicken? Alas, no. It is said to taste like roast beef.

In the years after Columbus discovered the New World, the beaver question accompanied the Conquistadores to South America. Though South America had no beaver, it did have another animal that lived in the water and "was scaly": the capibara.



Sixteenth century missionaries in South America, hoping to keep capibara-loving natives in the Church, reported to the Pope that “there is an animal here that is scaly but also hairy, and spends time in the water but occasionally comes on land; can we classify it as a fish?” The Pope pondered this predicament and answered in the affirmative. To this day, 400 tons of capybara are eaten as fish during Lent, mostly in Venezuela.

And if your gastronome’s palate has yet to be set aquiver, consider another scrumptious morsel:

According to www.florilegium.org,

"Since meat was forbidden during Lent, fish became a primary source of protein. Some monks (Franciscian, I think) are credited with
domesticating rabbits, but you rarely find out WHY. Well, for what it's
worth, rabbit fetuses were not considered meat. Yes boys and girls, mom
rabbit was killed near-term, and during Lent the near-born bunnies were
food. ...I'm also guessing that this is when they began breeding for color and size
differences."

So, could it be that the bizarre Christian preoccupation with defining meat as fish gave rise to the monks who discovered genetic variability, laying the groundwork for the field of genetics?

Now wouldn’t that be a fish story worth telling!
______________________________________

Beaver illustration from Trees for Life: Restoring the Caledonian Forest, http://www.treesforlife.org.uk/newsletter/spring03.html

Capibara photo from The Zootrotters, http://photo.zootrotters.nl/displayimage.php?album=49&pos=4

An appalling lack of decency

Today's Boston Globe headline said it best:

Catholic Charities stuns state, ends adoptions

The bishops of the Archdiocese of Boston, in a snit about the state requirement that all adoption service allow for gay adoptions, has cut the Gordian knot by pulling out of the adoption business altogether!

The only things the Globe got wrong is that it's not only the state government that got the shock of its life, but many citizens as well. While the pinheads on Lake Street may think they have pulled a fast one on gays and on the state government, they have, yet again shown that they are incapable of action that doesn't damage their own interests in the bargain. And yet again, they have shown themselves incapable of moral leadership that avoids scandal to the public and damage to children.

Don't let anyone fool you. This action is all about kicking homosexuals, even if they have to step over children to do it. This action is malicious, twisted and bizarre, and shows how far from gospel love, basic decency and common sense our leaders have gone.

Catholic Charities handles 31% of the adoptions referred by the state to private agencies. That's 91 children in 2005. There were so many other solutions: 1) continue negotiating with the State legislature for an exemption, or 2) recognize publicly that there is no perfection in this world of ours or 3) re-examine Church law that creates such a mess. The gospel of the wheat and the tares (Matthew 13:24-30) comes to mind: pulling up the tares (weeds) in a field of wheat would destroy the wheat as well. So let them both grow together until the final judgment sorts them out.

But dealing thus with reality doesn't get you noticed in Rome. And we have already seen the effect that screwing children has in the eyes of the Church: a free pass or a promotion to a plum assignment in Rome. Yesterday, the Church was raping them physically; today, it rapes them institutionally.

Think what you will about gays. But to imperil children in the interest of maintaining the mirage of doctrinal purity is perverse. And contrary to the gospel.

Getting in Gear: It's an A.D., A.D., A.D., A.D. world!

Introducing a new series -- "Getting in Gear" -- devoted to the Catholic trinkets, gewgaws and knickknacks we all must have! The "gear" that is, that is to the pious Catholic what a hardware store is the handy man.




A few years ago, when we were in the religious ed biz, we loved to use movies as visual aids. Films like "Jesus of Nazareth" and "Romero:" were terrific ways to get kids to get more out of the lesson that just read or listening to us talk.

But there was one film that I tried in vain to find, "A.D.," which told the intertwines stories of early Christianity and the Roman Empire. It was a sensible move. The Church of the Apostles was established and flourished in the Roman world. Emperors like Nero and Tiberius had direct effects on the movement. "A.D." as also one of the few decent film depictions of important Christian stories out of the books of Acts: Pentecost; Paul's conversion; the stoning of Stephen; Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch; the martyrdom of Peter and Paul. As religious educators, "A.D." could provide visuals for some of the most important, but least filmed aspects of our history.

But the only copy of "A.D." I could find was the one I had taped years before when it played on television. The quality as just so-so, and all the commercials!!! But try as I might, I could not locate a newer copy. Not on Amazon; not in the Christian bookstores; not even Blockbuster or the local library carried it. And then I misplaced my copy!

So I was thrilled when I opened the Leaflet Missal, my main source for religious gear, and noticed that "A.D." was on the market. And in DVD format. Hallelujah! Even though we're not teaching at the moment, it would be great to have this rare gem in my collection.

But wait.

The price for the DVD was an astounding $49.95!!! And the Gold Collector Version (the original full, uncut version --without a study guide!) was an even more astounding $79.95!!!

Ho...lee…bananas! What a budget buster!

So it looks as though I won't be buying "A.D." anytime soon. Too bad, because it really has some neat performances. Maybe someone on Amazon will sell an unwanted copy cheap?

Loony Liturgy: Missing in action

Now I may not be a conservative in most things, but there's one place where I don’t like people bending the rules, never mind changing them: and that's the Mass. I happen to believe that over 2000 years, heads wiser than mine -- and wiser than those of the current presbyterate -- have been hard at work crafting our liturgies until they are jewel-perfect.

Who am I, humble servant that I am, to mess with the best?

Evidently, that is not a sentiment shared by many of our ordained presiders. From my experience -- and ths is simply a number I am making up -- only about 10% of priests leave the Mass alone, presiding as it is presented in the Sacramentary, neither adding nor detracting significantly from its riches.

In this Loony Liturgy, I'll highlight examples of priests who leave things out of the Mass, for reasons that are unclear to everyone but themselves.

And even then I wonder!

Why did the Sign of the Cross the road?
After processing up the aisle, reverencing the altar and taking his position at the presider's chair (thus signaling to the choir that they had best wrap things up) the presider is supposed to start with the Sign of the Cross. Not "Good Morning" or a joke or a weather report, as many do. Still, most priests manage to recall the obscure fact that the Mass start with the Sign. Yet a few, evidently distracted by their bons mots, forget the Sign altogether, at which congregational worship stops in its tracks as everyone wonders whether it might pop up suddenly while they aren't paying attention.

The Case of the Missing Creed
The Nicene Creed (or its alternative, the Apostle’s Creed) is always included on Sundays and Holy Days. I happen to like the Creed, if you must know. While its precise, philosophical language makes it resemble the small print at the bottom of a mortgage application, it is long and lyrical and (if Father Mike isn't around) a chance for the assembly to partake of the wonderful experience of praying together.

But, lo! The Presider skipped right from the homily to the Prayers of the faithful! Again! Bad Father! But there's no turning back. The Creed is gone for another week.

In an alternative scenario, the priest mysteriously substitutes some version of the baptismal prayer (Do you believe in the Father? Do you believe in his Son?, etc) for the Creed. While this is legit when a baptism occurs during Mass, it's not so otherwise. Is Father bored? Does Father have a temperature? Does Father need a bottle? If not, lead the Creed!!

The Telltale Berakah Prayer
Aside from Alleluias and Amens, a very important part of Mass that seems to have been borrowed directly from Jewish worship: the Eucharistic Prayer. Specifically, the prayer over the Eucharistic bread that starts,

"Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us the bread of life."

And later,

"Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have this wine to offer, fruit of the vine and work of human hands. It will become our spiritual drink."

To each prayer, the assembly responds, "Blessed be God forever."

I don't know about you, but there's something primal -- almost pre-Christian about those words, linking us back to the primitive Church which had to do without the well-parsed theology we have today.

They are familiar words. But are they really? How often do we actually hear these words, and how often do we get to say both instances of "Blessed Be God forever"?

I'd say you're lucky if you get to say both one Sunday out of five. Why? Because so many choirs are panic-stricken at the thought of a single moment when they aren't busy making music. So they fill in the least interesting point of the Mass -- the preparation of the altar and the presentation of gifts – with music -- the so-called Offertory Hymn. Nothing wrong with singing, I suppose, but not when the song covers over a nifty prayer -- not to mention two of the very few responses available to the assembly during Mass!!
_______________________________________________
Art: illustration from The VanDyke Technology Group, http://www.vdtg.com/culture.htm

Loony Liturgy: The Prayer of Father Mike

As I mentioned elsewhere, I went to the Boston Men's Conference yesterday. One aspect of the day was quite nice: the sound of 5000 men praying the Our Father and Hail Mary with one voice. It was like something out of a Star Wars movie where the clone army speaks as one. But in a good way.

Which brings me to my point: the prayer of Father Mike. Now Father Mike is not a real individual, but a tendency, a habit, a scourge. He is the voice of every presider who can't help but to pray in his own, very meaningful, very personal way at Mass. That's fine in general, but when Father Mike is leading prayers that are also prayed by the assembly -- the Gloria, the Creed, the Lord's Prayer -- he is not satisfied with the rhythmic flow of the sound of a congregation accompanying itself in prayer; a group of people finding the perfect shared groove that unites a cacophony of individual voices. Using the power vested in him by his sole possession of electronic amplification equipment, he is sorely tempted...nay, he succumbs!!...to the urge to out-pray the poor, silly people he leads.

Yes. Father Mike must use every skill he gained in seminary to force everyone pray his very, very special way.

Our Father...who art...in...hea-ven
Hal-lowed be.........thy name...

And on and on. Once the assembly has realized it has been overpowered, it stops praying, concentrating now on trying to imitate the unpredictable tempo of Father Mike's amplified prayer.

A suggestion to Father Mike and his ilk: once you have started off the prayer, let the assembly find its own level; let the people take ownership of their own prayer and trust that together, they will remember all the words and make it to the end without your help.

To help them pray...get out...of the....way!!!
__________________________________________________________
art: "Soapbox" by The Glasson Group, Western Australia.

Sunday reflection: February 26, 2006

Today's gospel (Mk 2:18-22) is one of those odd mishmashes of sayings that were probably never spoken together during Christ's lifetime. Because such serial lists appear several places in the gospels, there is a tendency to imagine that when Jesus got up to talk, that he just let loose with a series of one-liners. Perhaps he did, but who would have understood him?

Instead, it is more likely that the gospel writers, faced with a large collection of sayings, arranged them by topic and wrote them down wherever it made sense to do so. Or wherever one saying might shed light on another.

In today's reading, Jesus says:
1) Don’t facts while the bridegroom is present
2) Don’t using new cloth to patch an old cloak
3) Don’t pouring new wine into an old wineskin

The 2nd and 3rd saying are very similar -- and share the warning not to combine something new with something old. The saying about the bridegroom, though, is not strictly similar, teaching (as it does) that now is the time to par-tay, not to fast.

In any event, the meaning of the gospel is rather obscure. Is Jesus saying that you can't mix an old form (Judaism) with his teaching without destroying both? That he needs a new container (a new religion?) in order to function properly? This would certainly square with the supecessionist view of previous generations of Christians.

Or are there other possibilities?

How about this one? The eschatological (end-times) kingdom of God which Jesus preached is a radical departure from the mores of traditional societies and approaches to God. It means turning one's back on the constraints that govern such societies and families -- both then and now. It means leaving the dead to burty their dead; children to hate their parents; people to hate their own lives. Life in this new kingdom not about making a good living. It is not about creating a well-oiled society. It is definitely not about maintaining the status quo. It is about moving societies and people out of circular, well-worn ruts and onto a new and straighter road.

If the eschatological kingdom is a wedding feast -- a simile Christ used often -- then the time for rejoicing is here – certainly while he, the bridegroom, was among us. The time for fasting -- times of trouble and persecution -- would come soon enough. But for the present, feast! Enjoy the bounty of the land! Laugh and live! Rejoice that a new way is being blazed through the desert proclaiming good tidings and the nearing of our God!

A bridegroom, a patch and a new wineskin. Homely examples of the ever-new and ever-renewing covenant of God and his people.
______________________________________________________

Let us pray.

Lord, we find ourselves trapped in old routines, enslaved by the demands of others and unable to easily free ourselves. Yet you encourage us with visions of feasting and fellowship! May we have the courage to imagine solutions to our troubles and a time when we break free to join you on the road to freedom and new life. Help us to shed addictions and routines that constrain us and keep us from becoming all we can be. Help us to recognize that now is the time to rejoice; now is the time to accompany you to the wedding feast that is always in full swing.

In your name we pray.

Amen.

Boston Mens' Conference -- Part 1

At left: A lousy Treo picture of some of the 5000 men attending yesterday's conference.

My youngest son and I attended the 2nd annual Boston Men's Conference yesterday. It was an "interesting" affair, with speakers from every part of the Catholic spectrum -- provided they are from center-right to far-right.

The conference was held in Boston's new Boston Convention and Exhibition Center in South Boston. An estimated 5000 men -- mostly white, mostly above 50, mostly Catholic with a sprinkling of "our separated brothers" -- attended. It was a fairly well-organized conference. There were opportunities for confession and Eucharistic adoration. In a separate part of the center, long lines of tables held exhibits for vocations, various orders of Catholic religious orders, as well as inspirational books, art, CDs, videos and tapes -- a fair number by the speakers at the conference.

The general theme of the speakers was repentance, not surprising since we find ourselves in the Lenten season. To a man, the speakers were men who believed every last bit of Catholic magisterial teaching, or so they said. There was no dissent on homosexual behavior, contraception, abortion. To gauge the audience's reaction, you might also think there was no dissension among the attendees, though I'd love to run a "software scan" to see if that's really true. Speaker after speaker received standing ovations both before and after their talks, though if you looked closely, a very few men did not stand for every one.

Basically, the day was a big pep rally, where applause lines took the form of rather unexciting affirmations that Christ was a gift of the Father and that God loves us all. True enough, but not the kind of red meat that would get me in a froth.

The speakers were:
-- Father Raniero Cantalamessa -- the kind and gentle preacher to the Papal household for the last 25 years.
-- Father John Corapi (whom we named, rather uncharitably as "Father Crappy") -- a former Green Beret, drug addict and bum who became a priest and now has a show on Mother Angelica's EWTN.
-- Dr. Scott Hahn -- former Presbyterian minister, convert to Catholicism, author of "Home Sweet Rome," father of 6 -- a real "Super Orthodox Man."
-- Sean Forrest -- Catholic musician whose lyrics encourage women to stay home and get off the birth control pills, among other things.

As you can see, the center, center-left, left and far-left were not well represented among the speakers. Actually, the term "left" is an awful misnomer. By “left” I mean anyone who has any questions or issues with any teaching of the Magisterium. That’s an awful lot of folks –especially if you count those “cafeteria Catholics” -- well represented at the conference, I might add -- who have no problem with ignoring Church teaching on capitol punishment, pre-emptive war and environmental destruction.

But there I go, being divisive.

In future posts, I’ll delve into the message of the speakers. See you then.

Curious! A man in a big red hat!

At Left: Cardinal-in-waiting Seán O'Malley poses in Rome with an admirer.

Boston Archbishop Seán (danged accents!) Patrick O'Malley is getting kicked upstairs! Hooray! There are worse choices!

We at TCC truly see the soon-to-be Cardinal as a good man. Not necessarily a great man, at least not yet, but a good man for the job. O'Malley has done away with much of the accumulated pomp and self-importance of his office, while appearing as a humble man of God. Anybody who walks around New England in sandals in winter can't be all bad. Of course, one bishop does not a diocese make, and there are still plenty of bungling harebrained holdovers from the Law era to give one pause.

So here's a quick prayer for our new "Prince of the Church":

Dear Lord,

Thank you for managing to get us a decent servant as your head shepherd in Boston. May he grow in holiness and grace in the service of your people. May he learn that we in the laity are less his subjects than his brothers and sisters -- whose advice and counsel are often Yours. May he learn to discern the wolves and nitwits among his brother bishops and priests, and that in short order! May he learn to rule with softness with his people and sternly with himself. May he be entirely free of the Bishops' Disease -- sucking up to the pope at the expense of his conscience.

Do forgive him his shortcomings, and help him to unite his people in love and justice.

Hoping this is not too fantastical a request, even for you, O Omnipotent Father, we ask this through Christ, our Lord,

Amen.

Criminalizing charity

At left, LA Cardinal John Mahoney brushes up on his law-breaking skills at this week's Ash Wednesday service in LA.

Ah, the brilliant minds on Capitol Hill are at it again, thinking up all kinds of ways to make we the people do their work.

This time, they are enlisting us in the INS -- the Immigration and Naturalization Service -- and tasking us with the job of fixing the problem of illegal aliens, which our representatives in Congress have worked so hard to repair in the 4-1/2 years since 9/11.

"But how can we help?" you may ask. Why, by refusing to assist any illegal immigrant in any way, or risk being charged with aiding and abetting!

House Bill 4437, sponsored by James Sensenbrenner Jr. of Wisconsin and Peter King of New York, would expand the definition of "alien smuggling". What's wrong with that? According to a New York Times editorial the bill would make it a crime to help an illegal alien by "working in a soup kitchen, driving a friend to a bus stop or caring for a neighbor's baby."

Sounds like a stupid idea put forth by some obscure and demented pol? Guess again. According to the The Orange County (CA) Register, "The House version passed Dec. 16 by a vote of 239 to 182."

Maybe we should rename it from the "House of Representatives" to the "House of 239 Numbskulls."

So if you know an illegal -- say your Mom or Dad or grandma -- then pouring them a cup of coffee or doing their PJs would make you a criminal. If their house was on fire, the firemen who put out the blaze would face fines or jail time. The barber who cut their hair and the doctor who stitched them up would land in the pokey. Only in America!

Luckily, saner heads are raising their voices in protest, among them LA's Cardinal John Mahoney, who is even calling for priests in his diocese to ignore the law, should it pass. Nothing like a little civil disobedience to get the blood flowing. You go, Cardinal J!

LA Bishop Jaime Soto (hmm, Hispanic name, maybe he's one of them?), Auxiliary Bishop of Orange County calls the bill "wildly impractical." He imagines being hauled into court if he sees an illegal "in the Communion line or [who] wants to bury their grandmother or asks us to provide religious instruction for their children or baptize their babies." It doesn't take Maxwell Smart to see the idiocy of this bill.

Aside from the sheer idiocy of the law, there's that nagging issue of constitutionality. If I help an illegal based on my religious beliefs, will sending me to jail infringe on my right to practice my faith? And if lawyers can't defend clients who are illegals, doesn't that hamper their right to a fair trial?

Makes you wonder about the sanity and competence of the boobs in DC. They've had years to beef up our borders and this is the best they can come up with? Yikes.

Boston bishops blast their boots -- again

I'm not sure why, but the Boston bishops are once more taking aim at the tassels on their loafers.

Yesterday, the Boston Globe reported that the bishops were gearing up to fight gay adoptions in the state. Today, the Globe is reporting something more serious -- that 7 members of the board of Catholic Charities of Boston have resigned in protest of the decision.

I'm of two minds about this. First, I admit to a perverse admiration of the bishops: at least they are putting their money where their mouth is. They have formulated an opinion, and they are pursuing it wherever it leads -- even if it ticks off their most loyal and wealthy supporters. This follows the example of Christ -- in a rather dopey way, I grant you -- who told the truth regardless of (and in full awareness of) the consequences. In Christ's case, the consequence was the Cross. In the bishops' case, the consequence is a further loss of public support and funding. Sadly, this translates into loss of influence and a decreased ability to fulfill the Church's mission to help the poor -- many of them children.

But my "other mind" keeps nagging me.

First of all, why fight gay adoption? Why this fight at this time?

It's not like gays are hoarding all the helpless orphans, crowding out married hetero couples who want to adopt. No. There are plenty of kids out there who need a home. And even if you believe that a functional mother/father-led home is the ideal, is it really a better choice to leave a child homeless and unloved than in a family with two Moms or two Dads?

Then, there's that pesky issue of the Boston Archdiocese sticking its nose in to "save" children from gay adoptees when it did so little to save the children from predacious priest-rapists. I have to admit, though, that being abandoned by the Church is a step up from sodomy. A small step, but a crucial one...

The Church leaders -- soon-to-be Cardinal Sean O'Malley foremost among them -- seem to prefer the placid halls of academe to the rough and dangerous streets. In their scholarly aerie, one is lauded for never compromising a principle. One discerns God's will in the dry leaves of catechisms and textbooks. But in the real world, one must pick one's battles in order to preserve one's resources for battles worth fighting. In the real world, principles often collide, and children do not have the luxury of waiting centuries for the Holy Spirit to manifest his will. In the real world, a child stands to gain by being loved -- whether by one Mom or Dad -- or two.

Why is it that when it comes to safeguarding children, the bishops only circle their wagons around themselves?